Inevitably, similar to the sun actually showing it's warm face in Milwaukee; a person will find that they have ordered something from Amazon. A bold move for most, as they will likely penetrate your heart with their 'orders of 25.00 or more qualify for FREE SUPER SAVER SHIPPING'. Balloons go up, confetti rains down, and you feel like a post fornication smoke. This is of course until you actually attempt to use this free option, which is, as they qualify it - SUPER.
I'd like to know what's so god damn super about it. You order on the 12th, and this SUPER shipping spits out an arrival date of the 23rd. With your dignity lost, you begin to look forward to something you payed for, the same way children look forward to Christmas - looming and unpredictable.
While my order contains more books than I can read, that isn't unusual. After all, I spend my fridays purchasing books in a usual plurality, while it takes me at least a week to read one. If the math confuses you, I'll use context. Similar to a women purchasing her 41st pair of shoes, I buy books that have a specific purpose on my bookshelf, that they may or may not one day see. Do not make jokes, as with the shoes, I will defend my purchase with my life.
Of course, jokes abound. Upon informing my girlfriend I had purchased a book with a witty title of 'The book with no name', authored by 'anonymous'. I finished a book while she laughed. As the glorious laughter settled, she wanted to make it clear that the choice was beyond bad, and into the region of hilariously delusional. A book. No name. No author. I made it worse and told her the premise - it was titled so because 'anyone who read it didn't survive to talk about it', or whatever. The idea has taken it's dignity and vacated my memory. I'll probably think the book is badass.
Most importantly, my Amazon "request", includes a DVD - "Ghost Dog". I won't argue or defend the movies' merit here, that would get long and complicated. You don't have the attention span, and quite frankly I don't have the vocabulary to properly describe how FCKN FRSH the movie is.
I do think I understand though. They have a satanic deal with UPS. They fill a pit with orders, it's a SUPER pit. Where-upon the pit becomes full enough, UPS kindly agrees to send over a horse drawn carriage. Each order is then delivered, dependent only on the amount of Whiskey provided to the driver, and the mood of the horses.
The real announcement is my plan to begin posting reviews of the books here, why not? I will make every attempt to be non biased, but all reviews will be "Super".
