This is a personal post.
I started Animud back in 1995, it's 2009. Over that time I worked on many games and projects (I've made a list), most of which never saw 50% completion. I look back and know that I was always trying to get approval and positive feed back from others.
The mud gave me an audience, a group of friends, and I spent considerable time trying to create things to impress them. I took them for granted, the same way I was taking my real life relationships for granted.
With them gone, I haven't had much direction. The mud being empty has left me pretty empty. With nobody to impress, I don't have the drive to create anything. I'm lost, looking for something to be passionate about. I haven't been coding outside of work, and I haven't brought myself to complete any other projects.
I feel a need inside for short term gratification, because I spent prototyping games, showing off the prototype, and moving on. In addition, I know that I don't enjoy working on things alone - without Scott working with me, I lack drive and commitment.
Video games have been out of the picture - I find no desire to play them, create them or be involved in them. My attempts to play WoW, Warhammer and Starcraft result in little to no success. Although it is good not to become addicted to these things, I am unable to commit to them to the point of getting to enjoy them. I can't keep myself on any one thing for any length of time.
I feel empty because of all of this, and I spent whole days sitting around doing nothing or watching videos/browsing the web.
What do I do with myself? How do I fill this hole? Is there something out there for me?
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